100 Days

Posted on February 23, 2012 by melanie| 20 Comments

I’ve taken a couple of days to think about this and have decided I am really going to do it. It is something I need and yes, if you really want to know, I think it is going to be really hard.

And lonely.

I started blogging twelve years ago for various reasons but I will tell you I was going through a very lonely time in my life. Or maybe I was coming to the end of that lonely time? I was in a relationship that at times was held together by my fear of being forgotten after putting so much effort into it. First I wrote obsessively in journals – and then I discovered the world of blogging. For the first time I had people to talk to while I wrote. It’s a lovely world at times but it can also be a bit much.

Twelve years is a long time in the blogging world – even if you have closed down numerous blogs and changed your name a number of times. As Steph at Bella’s Bookshelves mentioned in the comments on my last post the blogging/social media world is fickle. It takes time to build up a readership base and it takes very little to lose them. I’ve never been one of the popular bloggers and I’ve always been okay with that but I do appreciate every single person who reads my blog. At my best estimate there are approximately 12 loyal readers/commenters, two family members, a couple of my mom’s friends and two ex-boyfriends who pop in now and then but don’t leave comments. I am grateful to all who read – whether you comment or not.

However, somewhere along the way I’ve lost the thread of what I want to say. I’ve lost my focus. I get on the Internet and I open up a dozen or more tabs while trying to write a post and my attention span is pulled in a dozen different ways. I spend an inordinate amount of time doing nothing.

When I am away from the computer I think about the things I could be doing on the computer. I’m reading a book and the thought hisses slowly and softly in my mind, “check your e-mail.” I fight it for a while but as that snake hisses louder I put the book down and check. The Mister is helping the girls brush their teeth before bed and I turn to the computer. Why not fill those 2.5 minutes with pure nothing?

The Internet has killed my attention span – I have no one but myself to blame for this.

So how long am I going to step away from the Internet?

100 days.

100 days to break myself of what I feel is becoming a bit of an addiction.

100 days to relearn how to live with free time without filling it up mindlessly with checking my e-mail or blog surfing.

100 days is a long time in the blogging world but a month seemed too short. 40 days seemed too biblical and I’m not ready to start just yet so this isn’t a Lenten thing. 100 days seemed like it might be enough time to find myself again without searching the Internet to find who I am looking for. Sometimes the comparisons get to be too much – you know? The options too many.

So what will I do? Well, I suspect in the beginning I won’t know what to do with myself. Will I write or knit or sew or read? I will probably wander around the house a little lost. I fear I will be a little lost. Being on the Internet is a bit like having friends. I will miss the blogs I read all the time and wonder what is going on in the lives of others but it sometimes feels like I care more about what other people are doing than what I am doing and I need to get that back.

During this time I will hopefully be getting my second round of eye surgery and there is the garden to plant. I want to make some clothes for the girls. I want to make some clothes for myself. I have a whole house that needs purging and organizing and cleaning. I have a husband to hangout with in the evening. I miss holding a pen and writing letters.

This won’t be easy and it will take some preparation. No Internet means no obsessively putting books on hold at the library. It means no online recipes, sewing tutorials (that I have never followed anyway), knitting patterns or Internet shopping. In fact, I haven’t even thought of all the things it means. Obviously I won’t be able to give up e-mail completely because that is how people communicate these days but I am trying to decide the best way to limit that. Maybe twice a week? Only Sunday nights? See, instead of just letting go I’m already over-thinking it. How much do I prepare? Should I write down my favourite recipes or just wing it? What if the dozen cookbooks in my kitchen aren’t enough? What if I can’t sew anything from the hundreds of patterns in my basement!? (I’m joking here – see above about too many options.)

This all starts on March 1st and runs for 100 days. If I did my math correctly I will be back on June 9th. I will still be around here until then – still getting my Internet fix until I have the Mister change the password.

→ 20 Comments

Posted in Family Life, navel-gazing

What if…

Posted on February 21, 2012 by melanie| 12 Comments

I closed my computer for the next 40 days and didn’t open it again. I wonder what I would accomplish?

Would I sew more or cook more or knit more? Maybe I would read more and write more.

What is it that has so many of us tied to our computers? Even just thinking about not being on the computer makes me feel a little panicky – what if I miss something? Would anyone miss me? (You don’t need to answer that, it is rhetorical.)

Maybe I would finally get my house organized.

I find I get a lot of inspiration from being online but that inspiration doesn’t really go anywhere. So far it hasn’t inspired me to get off the couch.

What would you do with 40 days (or 50 or 30) of no computer?

This is just something I am playing with in my mind.

→ 12 Comments

Posted in navel-gazing

Bliss Filled Winner

Posted on February 20, 2012 by melanie| 2 Comments

Moira, Target and Target (they acted as security – we run a tight ship around here) helped draw the winner out of Moira’s toque today. My plans to draw the winner were a lot more fun last night (at least in my head) before Fionnuala woke up vomiting at at 1:30 a.m. It was a long night. It has been a long day. In fact, both girls are unwell – you can see it in the eyes, no? We’ve been lucky this winter and haven’t really suffered from anything worse than the sniffles so I guess we were due. Even this round is minor.

(Excuse me while I go knock on every wood surface in my home.)

However, on to happier news.. the winner of the Bliss Filled Mama e-book is:

Jac is a very new mama to one hairy headed little girl and a giant hairy beast of a dog (and several cats too I think). I’m sure Kathy‘s e-book will come in handy – she can listen to the MP3 version while she is vacuuming! Congratulations Jac.

→ 2 Comments

Posted in Family Life

Tagged

Sunday night cupcake

Posted on February 19, 2012 by melanie| 1 Comment

Ah… bliss. I just got out of a super hot bath where I spent 40 minutes reading Carrie Snyder‘s latest book The Juliet Stories. (Isn’t the title of her blog the best?) Now I’m going to eat a cupcake and snuggle with the Mister while working on my sock. It’s a good night after a very long day with two very little girls who aren’t feeling 100 per cent.

Tomorrow I will announce the winner for the Bliss Filled Mama e-book. I thought about using the Random Number Generator but I always feel like it is a little more genuine when I get one of my children to pull a name out of a hat toque.

See you tomorrow!

→ 1 Comment

Posted in Uncategorized

The Bliss Filled Mama

Posted on February 17, 2012 by melanie| 16 Comments

I first heard about Kathy on Bliss Beyond Naptime from a high school friend, who heard about her from one of her friends from high school because Calgary is a very small city of a million people. Why I heard about Kathy from this friend I don’t remember – maybe it was because I was reading Simplicity Parenting or maybe I heard about Simplicity Parenting from Kathy’s blog (she is a Simplicity Parenting coach now) and this is all proof that I don’t have my brain back yet from having children and that sometimes I write run-on sentences on purpose.

However.

I am so very happy that I did hear about Kathy and her blog Bliss Beyond Naptime because it quickly became one of my favourite blogs. You know, the kind of blog you will scroll through your blog reader for when you only have 5 minutes and you want to see if she has updated and then your heart drops a little when she hasn’t. One of those blogs.

Kathy is funny and quirky and not afraid to post silly photos of herself on her blog. She is also wise and caring and creative. Her vlogs are often hilarious (this one is a particular favourite) and always helpful when she is talking about her take on motherhood. And she has just released a really great e-book:

The Bliss Filled Mama: Self Care for Soulful Mothering

Kathy seems to be able to do what some of us mothers (I’m talking about myself here) think about all the time but don’t actually do: carve out some time for ourselves. I am, in fact, really terrible at this but I’m slowly getting better. Kathy’s e-book was the kick in the pants I needed too.

One of her recommendations was to create a Happy List. The Happy List is a list you have on hand to remind yourself of all the things you love to do that make you feel recharged and more yourself.

So, embarrassing or not (Kathy’s words) & in no particular order here is my quick Happy List:

  • Writing on my blog.
  • Receiving comments on my blog.
  • Updating my agenda.
  • My cup of tea and square of chocolate during quiet time.
  • (Unless I’m) sleeping during quiet time.
  • Calling my sister during the girls’ bath time.
  • Going for a walk.
  • Taking a class (right now I’m learning to knit socks).
  • Scalding hot baths, with or without bubbles.
  • Going to fabric stores (by myself).
  • Sorting through my fabric stash and dreaming of one day using some of them.
  • Flipping through my craft books.
  • Getting rid of things we don’t need.
  • Discovering new favourite recipes.

Would you like to win a copy of the Bliss Filled Mama e-book? Just leave a comment telling me what is on your Happy List and on Sunday night (8 p.m. Mountain Time) I will draw a winner and Kathy will send you a copy. It’s like magic! The book also comes with an audio version so you can sit back and relax and desperately try to knit 7 inches of sock before Saturday (oh wait, that’s just me) while Kathy reads to you. (And no, you don’t have to be a mama either. As this blogger pointed out – everyone can benefit for Kathy’s wry and goofy wisdom.)

Good luck!

(Comments are now closed.)

 

→ 16 Comments

Posted in Family Life, navel-gazing, Simplicity Monday

For the record

Posted on February 14, 2012 by melanie| 1 Comment

I’m not a hater. There were pink and red foiled chocolate (vegan) hearts handed out at home today and a new colouring book.

→ 1 Comment

Posted in Family Life

Halt! Take this card for Valentine’s Day!

Posted on February 13, 2012 by melanie| 18 Comments

I was reading the preschool newsletter at 9 p.m. last night because there are a number of school-free days coming up and I wanted to make sure I had them marked down in my calendar. That’s when I noticed the bit about Valentine’s day cards.

If you wish to bring Valentine cards, please do so on these days. Plan an extra minute to help your child deliver them into our special “mailboxes.”

My stomach dropped.

I don’t know why this didn’t occur to me. I guess I thought in this day and age of political correctness we had done away with Valentine’s Day cards because of the risk of feelings being hurt? Or something that waited until they could actually write their own name. Either way – I didn’t think of it and this morning – the day to deliver the cards into their special “mailboxes” – we didn’t have anything to deliver.  Moira’s face dropped. I explained to her that I didn’t know they were doing this and that we could do it next year (and, on the plus side, she was still going to get a mailbox full of cards). Which she did.

This is what she got:

  • 1. Dora the Explorer card
  • 1. Hello Kitty card
  • 1. Strawberry Shortcake card
  • 1. Winnie-the-Pooh card
  • 1. Transformer’s card (Moira’s reaction: this is scary although I think I heard her telling her Daddy later in the day that it was a troll and she seemed okay with it.)
  • 1. Star Wars Stormtrooper card (because nothing says love like a stormtrooper pointing a gun at you saying “Halt! Take this card for Valentine’s Day!)
  • 1. Toy Story card
  • 1. scratch & sniff vanilla cupcake card (the only non-trademark card in the bunch).
  • And, of course, 5 Disney Princess cards.

Let’s count the number of homemade cards…

…

 

…

 

Yup. Zero. Oh and three red suckers which, I mean, really? RED suckers? Why not just give her crack? (I did let her eat one though – I’m not as mean as I may sound. And then she not-so-quietly sobbed throughout quiet time and she couldn’t even tell me why.)

So yes, I’m that mother. The one who won’t let trademarked characters into the house if she can help it. The one who sneers at the Disney Princesses.  The one who thinks watching one show a month is plenty for a 3-year old.

The one who doesn’t even consider that they are exchanging Valentines in preschool.

I know some of you are laughing at this but I’m okay with that. Sometimes I feel like our value system is so out of alignment with the rest of the people we meet. Often I have to take a deep breath and let go of the reigns a bit (although when I think of the marketing machine that is the Disney Princesses I do feel physically ill). It would be enough to make me want to homeschool except that I can’t make the girls live in a bubble – and I know enough to know that Moira and I spending all day, every day together until she is 18 is really not a good idea. At least next year I will know what is coming – and we will make our own Valentine’s Day cards. By then she will be able to sign her own name.

→ 18 Comments

Posted in Family Life, The Girls

Reading: Mitten Strings for God by Katrina Kenison

Posted on February 9, 2012 by melanie| 7 Comments

The full title is Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry and, while it came highly recommended from a number of sources, I almost didn’t read it because of the word God in the title. I have a fear of being preached at and being told that God is the answer for everything – although I have no problem reading about people finding comfort or inspiration in their faith. (I also have an irrational fear of moths but make of that what you will.)

This book moved me so much that I am now on the look out for my own second-hand copy so I can re-read it whenever I want. I’ve even thought of breaking it down and writing my own reflections based on her one-word chapter titles (Dailiness, Morning, Peace, Play etc.) so I have my own reflections to look back on. Once again it was a bit of preaching to the converted but it is still nice to hear someone else talk about their version of motherhood and how they came to find a path that works for them. It is also nice to hear about other people who say no to birthday parties, signing their kids up for every available activity and TV.

Choices was one of the chapters I found most thought provoking in which Kenison talks about how nothing really prepared her for being a mother.

When I was a student at Smith College in the 1970s, the theme of my education was how we women would make our mark in the workplace. Although most of my friends and I assumed that we would eventually marry and bear children, I cannot remember a single conversation from those days in which we discussed the role children might play in our lives, or even how we might balance the responsibilities of motherhood with our careers. I suppose that if we thought about it at all, we imagined family life as some kind of adjunct to real life – that is, the lives we would create for ourselves through our careers, travels, continued education, and other worldly adventures. Our role models were out on the front lines, in business, science, and the arts – not at home with the kids. When Jane Pauley visited our campus, we packed the room to hear her speak about her first year on the Today show. Another successful graduate, then the editor of a top women’s magazine, counseled us about the high-stakes world of publishing. There were lectures nearly every week, and they were all by women who were making it in a man’s world. Jill Kerr Conway, our college president, was living proof of what was possible. Although we counted Sylvia Plath and Anne Morrow Lindbergh among our alums, we were proudest of Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan.

Once upon a time – I suppose – Smith College assumed you would get your education, get married and stay home and raise children. Then the waves of feminism hit and the new goal was to make it in a man’s world. But somewhere between those two things there is a disconnect and it is that disconnect that worries me. There was no point in bringing in speakers to talk to the women about careers and children – the children were just a byproduct of getting married and were somehow supposed to fit into your career but no one really thought about it until after the fact. I think things are changing bit by bit – I suspect some of the speakers who go to Smith College these days talk about how they balance careers and family but it still seems as though the word career always comes first. Do they have speakers who come in and admit to taking 10 years off to stay home and raise the children? Women who don’t have nannies and are doing it themselves? Would anyone go and listen? I know I wouldn’t have when I was in university.

I remember being in grade eight and making a cake for a science project – we had to create a model of a cell out of food. My cell was a flat slab cake with different colour icing for the nucleus, licorice whips for the flagella and other various bits of candy standing in for the cell parts (Smarties were definitely involved). I also brought a knife and napkins so the cake could be eaten after it was marked. My science teacher was shocked and said, “I didn’t know you were so domesticated!” (Apparently that was the first time anyone had made their project edible.) Then it was my turn to be shocked – I baked a cake from a box and she thought I was domesticated? She told me she always thought I was more likely to be a CEO than someone who stays home and bakes cakes. So, did that mean it was wrong to stay home and bake cakes? For a long time I thought I wasn’t meant to have children because that would be domesticated and that was wrong. (However baking cakes for oneself and ones friends always seemed right.) It was all very confusing at the time and the point is that I didn’t grow up in a culture where people talked about having children and what life would be like when I had children. In our house we didn’t even talk about whether or not to go to university – we only talked about which university we would choose. Now my own daughter yells at me when I won’t let her reprimand her little sister because she’s “LEARNING TO BE THE MUMMY!” And sometimes I wonder if she has a point – somewhere she has to “learn to be the mummy” if that is one of the things she wants to do with her life. I think that there were so few role models teaching us (so-called) modern women “how to be the mummy” when we were younger that we are now all over-thinking it – and blogging about it. But at least we are thinking about it which hopefully means that the next generation of mothers are giving it some thought.

→ 7 Comments

Posted in Family Life, Literary Ramblings

February Phonecation

Posted on February 1, 2012 by melanie| 12 Comments

I’ve decided I’m taking a vacation from my phone this month.

A whole month. No phone.

Well, almost no phone.

Let’s start at the beginning:

I had already done a number of things to try and separate myself from the amount of time I spent on my iPhone – such as deleting any social media apps that take up too much time (I’m looking at you Twitter & Facebook) but I feel I need to go further. I find that I’m drawn to it far too often and then get pulled in. I turn it on to check the time and then all of a sudden I’m checking my e-mail (which I don’t get much of). Or I check to see if anyone has texted me (they haven’t). I’ll be thinking of something I want to look-up and all of a sudden I’ve been lying in bed reading for half an hour.

I wonder what kind of message this sends to my children and what it is doing to my attention span. I really don’t want my children to grow up with an image of their mother with a phone in front of her face all of the time.

Recently I was reading a journal entry I had written 5-years ago where I was speculating that the internet was making me stupid. Five years later and I’m sure it is – and my so-called “smart” phone isn’t helping. Don’t get me wrong, I think my phone is great when used for important purposes (the map function is fantastic when I am out driving somewhere new) and I’m not sure it would be worth it to go back to a regular cell phone – although I do consider it at times – because the world isn’t moving in that direction.

Mostly though, just like the rest of my life, I need to find a balance and my phone really isn’t helping with that these days. So my plan is that on days when I don’t need to bring my phone anywhere it will be kept in my dresser drawer. On days when I do want to bring it in the car it will be in the zipper pocket of my bag. And I have to start wearing a watch – otherwise I will be tempted to turn on the phone for the time. This also means no phone-photos this month but I’ve been cutting back on those too – that’s another post.

However, in the spirit of full-disclosure I totally failed on my first day of phonecation. Fionnuala and I had gone to a mall this morning so I could get my glasses fixed and were killing time with a muffin when the tummy bug that had been bothering us all hit her. Really hit her – right into her socks and boots. Needless to say I felt the need to tell someone and since I had already turned on my phone to check the time, I texted the Mister and then I kept updating him on the status of my shitty day (pun intended). Tomorrow will be better.

(In the past I would have announced it on Twitter – but really, does anyone really care about such things? I wonder where the world is going with all of that some days.)

********************

The Minimalist Mom has a great series going right now called Digital De-cluttering. I particularly liked her post about cleaning up your browsing experience.

 

 

→ 12 Comments

Posted in Goals

January goals and our morning routine

Posted on January 28, 2012 by melanie| 11 Comments

My big personal goal this month was to get up and dressed and brush my teeth before dealing with the girls. This worked out really well. All month I have been slowly implementing subtle changes to bring more rhythm into our lives. I started by getting into the habit of laying out my clothes the night before (this is easy since I pretty much wear the same thing every day – some day I’ll work on that too.)  I have also flossed my teeth EVERY NIGHT before bed. This is a personal victory and I don’t care if you think that is a strange goal or disgusting that I didn’t do it before – I think I deserve a medal.

I find getting dressed to be a huge help to how I face the day. Before, when I would stay in my pajamas for so long I would have trouble getting motivated and the longer I stayed in them the more my motivation would wane. Then it would be a hassle to get all three of us dressed. One of the off-shoots of getting myself dressed is that I automatically got us all into a more streamlined morning routine. Of course I wish I had started doing this years ago. I used to work from home and stay in my pajamas (which are a pair of black stretch pants and a (usually Harry Potter-related) t-shirt) all day. It is only recently that I have started to realize that this life of mine is my job and so I have to get up each day and face it like I am going to work because I am.

My friend Misty was talking about morning rituals on her blog so I thought I would share our current morning routine (ritual just seems like the wrong word for what we are doing.)

Morning routine:

6-6:30 a.m.: Wake up, either from Fionnuala chattering in bed, Moira hovering in the hallway, my incredibly tiny bladder or the Mister’s alarm going off at 6:30. Unless forced I refuse to get out of bed before 6 a.m. Sometimes I am forced, like the week Moira was getting up at 5:30. I let it slide until she started getting up at 5 and then I taught her how to tell the difference between a 5 and a 6 on the microwave clock and said that unless she hears us moving around she is to stay in bed. Some days it even works.

Before I get out of bed I take my temperature. I’ve been doing this for so long I sometimes do it before I even realize I’m awake and doing it.

Get up. Get dressed. Chart my temperature (now on a nifty iPhone app), check e-mail on phone (bad habit that is going to go). Go into bathroom and brush teeth. The whole time I am doing this I am listening to Fionnuala giggling, chatting and calling “mommy mommy mommy mommy.” Moira, if she wasn’t already awake by this point  usually comes into the bathroom to a) accuse me of being up too early (true) and waking her up (not true). b) cry that she didn’t get to put the toothpaste on my toothbrush (which, for the record, I have never let her do). c) give me a morning hug.

Go into Fionnuala’s room. She looks past me and starts asking for Daddy. Watch her bounce around and laugh for a while until she is ready to be picked up. Change her diaper if she lets me. If she seems like she is going to fight it then I leave it for a while.

We all traipse down the hall to the kitchen. If the Mister is up I try to get the girls to stay out of his way until he has his breakfast ready. He gets up at 6:30 and leaves at 7. He is not a morning person and so he only gives himself this small window to get ready because he needs the sleep. Of course, some mornings we are all sitting at the table eating breakfast when his alarm goes off.

Hugs and kisses for Daddy. Moira waves bye to him from the couch. That part is really important to her.

Breakfast: Sometimes I have it ready from the night before or at least prepped. If I do it is usually steel-cut oats, if I don’t it is usually rolled oats. Sometimes I make them wait for the steel-cut oats but that’s never a good idea. Also, both girls usually have a piece of toast and some fruit, often they have two bowls of porridge. They are big breakfast eaters.

Breakfast is over, time to do dishes. Moira keeps coming in and out of the kitchen wanting me to either play or read stories and I keep reminding her that I do the breakfast dishes every day after breakfast and before I do anything else. Some day this will sink in. Because breakfast takes so long to eat I often get started on the dishes before they are finished because two bowls of porridge, toast and fruit? That’s a lot of food and feeding yourself takes time when you are wee. Fionnuala likes to “help” with the dishes these days too so I cheat and try to get as much done as I can before she is done so that she is only helping for the last stretch.

Put on kettle for tea. I used to make it while getting up and down 100x getting the girls breakfast ready but now I wait until everything is done. It is much more enjoyable that way.

Bath time. This is a new routine for us – the morning bath. If I don’t do this Fionnuala spends the entire day asking and signing for a bath. “Bath? Bath! Bath? Bath!” If I get it over with in the morning I can respond with “yes, you did have a nice bath this morning didn’t you?” Instead of dealing with her accusatory looks for the rest of the day. If the girls have a bath together (“Mo-rah! Bath!”)  I can go and do other things (tea, sweet glorious tea & usually reading things on my phone – bad habit that is going to go). If it is just Fionnuala in the bath then I hang out with her.

Girls get dressed, hair done. Ready for the day.

The time at this point could be anywhere between 8 and 8:30 a.m. Sometimes even earlier – it depends on how early the day begins.

I’m currently thinking about what changes I want to implement in February. One of them is going to be a little more variety and better planning with breakfast. The other is going to break the hold my phone has on me.

Have you been making small but important changes in your life lately? Do you have a morning routine that you like?

 

→ 11 Comments

Posted in Family Life, Goals