I can’t seem to blog more than once every two days – which on the whole is more than respectable I think. When this project is over I think I will try and keep up with it but about three times a week. I would be really happy with that.
Today I went for probably my longest walk yet. Last weekend we went to Confederation Park and the family pushed me around in my wheelchair although I did get out and walk for a bit with my cane. This is a big park near our home where I used to do daily 5km walks. I try not to think about whether I will ever get back to that level of activity. Certainly not with my back the way it is right now. But there are plans to fix some things which I will know more about later this week.
I was keeping up with the sock knitting but made it too short and then had to rip back a whole lot and now I’m not sure how to fix it. I can’t decide if I want to go and try and fix it and watch the first episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer – which I haven’t watched in years. Or if I want to go and play Animal Crossing for a little while and worry about the sock tomorrow. If only all my dilemmas were this unimportant.
(These current blog posts are part of my #100dayproject and are written quickly and posted without significant editing. They are what they are, mistakes and all. Much like me.)
I have no nice photo to add to today’s blog post. I don’t even have a crappy photo to add to today’s blog post. But yesterday I could have taken a really great photo of a really sweet moment between my girls but I didn’t. And you know what? Not taking the photo was hard. Just being there in the moment was physically hard for me. I know that is weird. I know that is wrong. But it doesn’t make it any less true. Phone addiction is real guys! At least mine is.
The last couple days I have also been toying with deleting my Twitter account. I do enjoy some of the interactions on Twitter but for the most part it is a truly awful place with people trying to out wit one another or just on there to bully one another. Since I’m trying to set and example of good phone & social media usage for my daughters maybe I just don’t need another place on the internet to waste my time. Also Trump is truly a horrifying person so why do I need to be one more place to hear people complain about him? I don’t. I really really don’t. So even if I’m just writing into the void here for myself at least it is something.
Also I learned a really important phrase in my Latin lesson today: Ubi bibliotheca proxima est? Where is the nearest library? This will hopefully come in useful if I ever travel back in time to ancient Rome. I miss the library.
The nice thing about putting my phone away is that I have been reading more. And I am in love with this book – The Home-Maker by Dorothy Canfield Fisher. My edition is by Persephone Books and you can find a really good write-up about The Home-Maker here. I haven’t finished the book yet. I’m enjoying it so much that I am trying to slow down and not devour it. (Also I’m re-reading War & Peace right now so I am going back and forth.) There is a part where the youngest, Stephen, who is thought to be the devil incarnate but is really just young (five) and reacting to his mother’s dominating and bitter moods finds his Teddy that she has taken away and the description is just magical. I wanted to type it out for you but it is just too long and I don’t have the energy to do it justice right now. But the whole book is worth it for that one scene with Stephen and his Teddy.
Somehow yesterday I completely forgot about my blog until I lay down to go to sleep. I’ve been in discussion with the pain management clinic at the cancer centre and am now on a new plan to manage my pain. It seemed that no matter how much they increased my old medication it just wasn’t working at all anymore – and that happens. In the beginning (last June) I could take just a little bit and it would work but also lead to brain fog and drowsiness. Now I was taking much more and had no brain fog and rarely had any drowsiness and also I never noticed a difference – certainly not in my pain levels. Hopefully this new regime and new drug will work. Finger’s crossed. Whereas my hopes and wishes used to be wide and deep my hope for this summer is to be pain free and mobile enough to walk to the library (or that distance) with my daughters. I just hope that isn’t too much to ask.
This week’s literary witch is Russian poet Anna Akhmatova whom I think I have heard about only in passing through my friend Anya Krugovoy Silver who was also a poet and of Russian descent (whom I have written about before in my post: Death in the age of Internet friends). Anna Akhmatova calls for Endurance this week – which is something I know quite a bit about. And also: staying with pain, avoiding pain, patience. Pain is something I know about all too well – avoiding it is something I would like to do. Patience is something I am always working on (aren’t we all?)
Last night I turned off my phone and put it in my closet. We went for a walk/push in the wheelchair today (I did get out and walk for a bit though) and it was nice not having my phone with me. When I am connected I am always looking for things to take photos of – but today I just got to notice what was around me. I did have to pull it out and turn it on to take the photo of this week’s literary witch but I turned it back off right after and put it away. Today I got a lot of reading done, made sushi, went for a walk, sorted out & minimized my mending pile, had a nap, watched half a movie with Mister & Fionnuala (we watched the first half last night), ordered seeds (I know, I know, I’m very late), kept up with my Latin practice and did countless other things without taking one single photo. I’ve felt odd though, like I SHOULD be taking photos or checking my texts or playing PokemonGo or scrolling mindlessly on social media. But I’ve also felt great. Now I’m going to go and keep reading my book with out the need to put it down every couple pages and check my phone for no reason.
Can you believe it is day 40 of the 100 Day Project? I think, all things considered, I’ve done pretty good at keeping up with writing most days.
Today was a hard day for some reason (um, cancer much Melanie?) I keep waking up early because of back pain and spasms – it lessens somewhat when I take my medication and sit up for a while. For some reason I was just so tired and weary for the better part of the day. I would try to do things and then would have to lay down for a while. Laying down didn’t even lead to sleep most times, I would just lay there and scroll mindlessly. There has been a lot of mindless scrolling these days and little else getting done. It is so easy to turn to my phone when my brain is sluggish with tiredness and pain but even though I enjoy the interactions I have with people online it doesn’t really help my state of mind. My phone and I need to take a break from each other. I’m not going to make a big deal about it though and I’m not sure when – but if you text me and don’t hear back you might want to call the home phone or send an email. ; )
Today I was mindlessly scrolling on my phone and came across a clip of Jerry Seinfeld’s new comedy special where he talks about Device Dictatorship and if you have a couple moments you should really watch it. On your phone, of course, which is glued to your hand right now.