This here, this is hard – part two

Thanks for all your comments. I actually meant to turn commenting off on that post because it was so whingey but, store being so tired, I forgot – and now I’m glad I forgot. I find baby advice is always such a hard thing to give and receive since every child is so different and as much as anyone tries to go into motherhood without preconceived (ha ha – bad pun) notions, it’s pretty much impossible. I’m getting a lot better at understand who Moira is these days – and it seems like she is a lot like me: long, skinny, always hungry and a poor sleeper. However, she is also a rather aggressive sleeper like her Dad. (She kicks the crap out of me when she is in the bed with me. At least the Mister just takes it out on his pillow although I have woken up quickly and blocked an incoming elbow-to-the-face a couple times.) I think the best “method” is, what I believe my friend Jen called the whatever works for you method. So far we are still trying to figure that out.

And what’s with the guilt? Why do I feel so guilty all the time about every little thing – like, even the thought of moving her into her own room or giving her formula makes me feel guilty. Or if I spend extra long checking my e-mail in the morning? Or let her cry? I have come to the conclusion that motherhood = feelings of guilt. Twelve years of Catholic school and I have never felt the so-called “Catholic guilt” that comes with that (of course, I never felt Catholic and have thought of mailing back my baptism certificate to anyone who would take it) but mother-guilt is a whole new ball game.

Anyway – last night, as Moira was complaining loudly (I can’t call the early stage crying, it’s more like complaining/talking/seeing if anyone is awake and wants to play with her accompanied by manic chewing on her soother) and crying between 2 and 4 a.m. (or there abouts – until I gave in and pulled her into the bed and let her gnaw on my breast again so we could all get some sleep) I had an idea for a way we might be able to rearrange the bedroom & office that will give Moira her own room and still have a work space for the Mister to finish his PhD. I need to wait until he gets home from work to discuss it with him – and to measure things. Hopefully this will give me a little space of my own too should we have another weekend like last weekend. Last weekend Moira did take a nap for 2 1/2 hours (in the middle of our bed because I have to trick her into napping AND because she likes to have the big bed to herself) and the Mister napped on the couch, I was left wondering where the hell I could go because the kitchen is sort-of off limits since the Mister was sleeping right beside it (also – it’s tiny and loud and we have a “no kitchen noises” rule when people are sleeping) and the bedroom was off limits (because she sleeps better without me around – although she doesn’t believe it yet) and the office/baby stuff area is just too uncomfortable and totally Not My Space these days. Basically I got to clean the bathroom, do laundry and quietly chop potatoes. If we can reclaim our bedroom then I can at least hang out in there while everyone else naps – and maybe even *gasp*, nap myself. (I dream big.)

Maybe I should dream a little bigger and also buy a lottery ticket* when I go to the store and see what kind of forumla I am willing to suppliment my daughter with.

*Oh, who am I kidding. I totally won’t buy a lottery ticket because I’m just way too cheap for that kind of thing.

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