Hi. The world is crazy right now and we are all locked in our houses so here is a weird photo of me attempting something called Self Care but really just means I tried to do a face mask once and it pulled out some of my hair – and let’s be honest – I can’t really afford to lose any of my hair right now, especially my eyebrows which grew in nicely once I stopped the intravenous chemo last fall but are now falling out again with the current chemo I am on (which is taken orally). (I also started growing a bit of a beard when the hair started growing back in because cancer is trying to make sure I am about as unattractive as possible. This is why I only use good light when taking photos – photographic reality bites.)
Things are hard for everyone right now and, this might sound bad, but I’m kind of over being told how to have the best most uplifting Covid-19 isolation. There is pretty much zero Pinterest worthy about my life at the moment (even though my iPhone camera is really great and makes things look lovely and makes me ridiculously happy) and I refuse to say I am homeschooling my children even if that is what I am probably doing.
The truth is my friends that I really think I’m running out of time here. My life previous to this global pandemic has pretty much been in isolation since last summer when I lost the ability to walk any significant distance. My health has been on the decline ever since. I keep waiting for things to get better. To get back “to normal”. Even since my surgery I keep thinking every night “surely tomorrow I will feel better”. And I don’t. I really don’t. I don’t even know what normal is anymore.
Anyway. All this brings me to the 100 Day Project which starts today. I’ve always wanted to take part in this but I’m terrible at committing to things of this nature (although I am on day 76 of DuoLingo and let me tell you that is a great feeling). I thought of doing 100 days of sewing but I can barely sit up these days and I walk hunched over like an ancient old woman. My friend Kerry told me I should blog. Can I blog for 100 days straight? Probably not. But maybe I can write for 100 days? Maybe I can write about what life is like when you feel like it is slowly ebbing away from you and some days you wonder why you are holding on so tightly.