S is for…
Moira is asleep beside me on the couch right now (on what we call her ‘donut’ which is actually a deflated nursing pillow that didn’t work out so well). I don’t want to move her because she’ll wake up and yet I can’t leave her because she is kind of a squirmer and shows signs of rolling over and you know as soon as I leave her alone on the couch is the day she rolls over for the first time.
Asleep on her ‘donut’ today
I never really gave much thought to sleep before I had a baby. How not surprising eh? I used to say, audiologist “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” which, apparently, is something my grandmother always said and I didn’t even know it. Anyway – sleep was just something I had to do so I could function and if I got 6 hours I thought I was doing well but mostly I felt like it got in the way of other things. The Mister, on the other hand, needs at least 8 hours – preferably 10 – to function in a non-bear-like manner. The only time sleep was a real issue for me was when I worked at Sbux and would have to open the store – then I would get nervous about getting enough sleep and would watch the clock ticking away towards wake-up time and have conversations in my head that went something like this:
Go to sleep! Why are you awake? You have to get up in 5 hours!
Okay, go to sleep now. NOW! Okay, be asleep. Be asleep NOW!
Oh gawd, I have to get up soon, why aren’t I asleep? Argh! Only 4 more hours of sleep left. What is wrong with me? Go to sleep NOW!
And then I would cry in frustration and fall into a semi-sleep state for the remaining 3 hours of the night while waking up ever 1/2 hour to check the clock and make sure I didn’t sleep through my alarm (which I have NEVER done in my life). All so I could make it on time to a job that paid me little better than minimum wage and where at least one customer would inevitably ask, “have a wild night last night?” *wink wink*.
No, I was lying awake worrying about not making it to work on time so you could drop 3/4 of my hourly wage on a single drink. *smile*
But I digress…
Once Moira came along I started getting obsessed with sleep. For the first couple weeks I had terrible night anxiety that started around 5 p.m. because I knew night was coming and didn’t know what was in store for us. Would Moira cry all night? Would I be able to comfort her? Those 6 hours I took for granted were starting to look really good. Things have evened themselves out now but I’m pretty sure I still give both the Mister and my Mum a daily run down of the previous nights sleep. Moira still likes to get up and feed once or twice a night but I’m used to it and can usually fall back asleep afterwards and if she naps in the morning I will nap too (for some reason I just can’t nap in the afternoon). I still haven’t figured out the whole “nursing in bed” thing so even though she is asleep right beside me we get out of bed and move to the couch to nurse. This is an issue I need to work on as Moira is more than willing to stay in bed and nurse – today I was woken up in the wee hours of the morning with her sucking on my tanktop.
Things you won’t remember but I will:
How you once needed me beside you to fall asleep at night – and by “beside” I mean “practically on top” of me. How you could sleep in the bed for up to six hours but put you in your bassinet and your sleep had a two-hour expiry. How you like to sleep with your fist tightly wrapped around one of my fingers. How you could spend 10 minutes blissfully stretching like a cat while you decided whether you wanted to be awake or not. How I would lie beside you while we were waking up from our morning nap, turn you towards me and smile big so that the first thing you see is me and your wake up cries turn into wake up smiles. How, at just under 12 lbs you could commandeer half of a queen-sized bed.