Reverb10: Let Go

December 5 – Let Go.
What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

Expectations.

Lots of them.

Expectations in house hunting. Expectations in house renovating. But mostly expectations about myself. I mentioned earlier that I had pretty bad pregnancy brain going on – I’m sure some of that had to do with the fact that I also had to deal with seemingly non-stop toddler tantrums throughout my pregnancy – but it made it so I would be really scattered at times. And as much as I wanted to, info and as much as I expected it of myself, more about I (sometimes We) couldn’t do it all (I like to think I can do everything myself even though I am constantly proving to myself that I can’t). We couldn’t renovate the bathroom and the basement. We couldn’t buy a house and afford to go to my best friends wedding. I couldn’t be pregnant and remember to pay the electricity bill on time (or at all). I couldn’t sew all the curtains for the house. I couldn’t get up enough energy to start a garden this year. I couldn’t sign up for an awesome looking sewing class that started a couple weeks before I was due. I couldn’t have my water break and go into labour on my own. Some days it was enough to just put dinner on the table and not break down over the toddler tantrums which – and here is the biggest expectation I had to let go of – I could do nothing about.

Really though, read more isn’t life about letting go of expectations? If life went according to plan it would be pretty dull. The house we bought is perfect for our family. The basement is usable (the bathroom was not). The best friend understood. We switched it so that the Mister is taking care of the bills until I get my brain back in working order. My Mum bought curtains for Fionnuala’s room and the rest can wait. We planted pumpkins and beets in the front and had fun watching them grow. Someday I will sew again – at least now I have the space. The baby arrived healthy and my recovery was quicker this time.

And the toddler…? Well, she seems to have grown out of her tantrum phase (for now at least). It took a year but now that things have calmed down and she has jumped through a couple developmental milestones she is a lot calmer. Or maybe she got tired of me ignoring her and decided it wasn’t worth her time. Either way, things have a way of working themselves out.

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