My 5-minute MacLean’s magazine subscription

So about a month ago I got a ‘thank-you gift’ from Rogers since I have my cell phone through them. You got to choose your gift and I can’t remember what the other choices were because the one that caught my fancy was the opportunity to have a free 3 or 6 month magazine subscription with one of their magazines. Not having had a magazine subscription in a long time I thought it would be nice to get something in the mailbox other than bills. I waffled for a while between magazine choices (Today’s Parent was in the lead for a time) but feeling like there was a dearth of news in my life I chose to go with the 3-month subscription to MacLean’s (it is a weekly magazine). Last week I got my first issue – a review of 2009 in little (written) sound bites. Mostly boring.

This week’s issue has this splayed across the top:

TIGER WOODS: THE FALL OF THE WORLD’S GREATEST ATHLETE

To the left of the headline is a photo of Woods and to the right is a photo of his supermodel wife. The magazine has sat in the bathroom since it arrived and I haven’t read it yet because every time I look at the cover I am filled with rage. So I ask you: why is this news? WHY IS THIS NEWS? Let’s be honest here – nothing about this is news. A famous athelete with a beautiful wife likes to sleep with lots of women. Maybe it is sad that the only thing I find shocking is that anyone cares or is shocked. Mostly what bothers me about this headline is “the world’s greatest athlete” bit. Last time I looked Tiger Woods was a golfer. A Golfer. Old Scottish men with fat paunches are golfers. Any out of shape jackass can play golf.

Okay, sales I admit I know very little about golf but no matter how great a golfer Woods is, adiposity the truth is he isn’t some heptathlete (or even a triathlete) who has dedicated his whole life to only eating egg whites and cottage cheese and training 13 hours a day because his body is a temple. He plays golf. To me that doesn’t make him an athlete – and certainly not “The World’s Greatest” athlete.

And MacLean’s, which was a magazine I liked reading in high school, thinks this is news. I checked out their website today to find out how I could unsubscribe and what did I find front and center? A Need to Know column. The headers in this column are as follows: Canada, World, Science, Religion, Health, Environment and… you guessed it, Tiger Woods.

Canadian Heptathlete Jessica Zelinka

Canadian Heptathlete Jessica Zelinka is probably too busy training to have multiple affairs.

At least Today’s Parents had crafts in it. Damn me and my tree-wasting ways.

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