I thought about writing a Mother’s Day post this year and all the things I could say and then I went on the internet and kept getting told that not everyone is happy about Mother’s Day and to please think of all the women who would like to be mothers but can’t be, or the women who have lost their mothers, or the women who have chosen not to be mothers and to not make them feel bad about their choices. And it isn’t like I don’t think about about those women all the time (I can’t even watch movies that involve women who are unable to have children because my heart cracks into pieces and I ugly cry) and am so grateful that I do get to be a mother and the whole thing was overwhelming and my family was grumpy and I felt like I was supposed to be happy about being a mother but not too happy so I just didn’t write about it.
But I did call my mom whom I love so much and then I spent time thinking about how grateful I am to still be here for another Mother’s Day and wondered how many more I will get. So even though my day consisted of three loads of laundry and I made my own breakfast and cooked dinner (because I wanted to and it was awesome), it was pretty much just another day but with homemade presents from school that I will treasure forever and a weird sense of not knowing how I am supposed to feel about everything. Like, we are constantly being told we are supposed to celebrate ourselves these days but also not celebrate the things that make us different if the things that make us different are going to offend other people and the internet is the worst when you are a non-confrontational peacemaker with a guilt complex for being white, well off, and middle class.
Last night my friend Jocelyn took me to see David Sedaris and I kept thinking about how much I couldn’t wait to go home and tell my mom this joke or tell my mom that joke – and especially tell my mom the fisting joke or the one about having sex with Jesus because I know she will appreciate it and how awesome is it that that is the kind of mom I have?
Whenever I think about how my life is turning out I keep telling myself that I least I have my daughters for how ever long I get to be with them. I try not to think about what Mother’s Day will be like for them in the future. I hope it isn’t a day they hate or avoid. Maybe they will get together and get drunk and listen to Hamilton really loud and remember their mom who loved them sooooooo much and then Fionnuala will tell totally inappropriate jokes about fisting and Moira will act horrified but still be laughing so hard her drink will come out her nose and they will all agree that “mom would have loved that one.”
Housekeeping: Some people have asked me to set up an email subscription for this site to be notified when new posts are up. Well, I finally did it! So if you look to the right —-> you will see a Subscribe button. I will probably send out updates in a newsletter format once every couple weeks unless my writing goes back to being really sporadic then I will send them out whenever a new post appears. I’ll include things in my newsletters too that won’t be on the blog – like links to recent articles I am loving, recipes (since I don’t really want them on the blog), dirty jokes, or discounts and special deals on… NOTHING (ha!) because I have nothing to sell. Except myself I guess.