It’s official, I cried the other day so I must be pregnant

We could also call this entry: the one where she gets way too personal and whines about money yet again.

Okay, order so it’s no secret that the Mister and I are going through some serious financial issues right now since neither of us have had a paycheque since the summer. It’s also no secret that I am not very happy with the thought of having to leave my comfortable apartment during the day, visit this site pulling me away from work I like to do (albeit, currently unpaid work) and go back out into the world of retail. However, yesterday I had my first official emotional pregnancy-breakdown.

Here is the story:

I was pretty much working two full time jobs until July: one a writing job and one doing customer service for the company whose Christmas party I went to last night. The customer service job was obviously the stable one but the other one is more in-line with what I want to do and what I have gone to school for so I took a risk and left. The Mister keeps reminding me that we knew it would be a risk and that the work is more rewarding (you know, emotionally). But, I was on MSN yesterday chatting with one of my best friends (like I am everyday) who still works at the company (I was his date for the party last night because his “wife” is away working on his Masters – and CR, if you are reading this I am sorry to drag you into this post). My friend told me that after the all-company meeting they came back to their desks to find Christmas presents: new iPods, cds, shirts and various other goodies for every employee in the company. This was after finding out a couple days before that all of their stocks are being traded in since the company was bought which means they are all going to have a lot of cash-money in their pockets AND just after getting a couple bills in the mail that, while we can still pay, I’m just not sure for how much longer. Like I said, I knew the risk I took when leaving the company – but this was all too much and the emotional pressure of the last couple weeks finally burst through. The Mister came into the living room to see me sobbing on the couch and didn’t know what to do since I NEVER cry. I mean, I can’t even keep my eyes moist enough to wear contacts anymore and am supposed to be using eyedrops all the time. He thought someone (or someones dog) had died. At least we could joke afterwards about how happy my eyes would be to get so much moisture. The following conversation ensued:

Mister: Are you happier with your work now than you were?
Me: *sniffle* yes
Mister: Do you want to go back to “former company” and do customer service again?
Me: *sniffle, snort* no.
Mister: Do you even want an iPod?
Me: *blows nose again loudly* No, I am more than happy with my old shuffle, you know that.
Mister: I don’t really know what to do when I come into the room and find you crying like this.
Me: Dude, I’m pregnant. I think you have 4 1/2 more months of this.

To be honest, it actually kind of made me sick to see how much money was spent on the party last night when I spend my day reading news stories about environmental destruction or homeless people or little kids in India who are – literally – tied to their sewing machines to make shirts for the Gap. But my city is going through a crazy economic boom right now and the Haves think it is going to last forever while the Have-Nots are paying for it (and to be honest, most of the time I don’t even consider myself a Have-Not: we have a roof, food and each other). My Mum just informed me of my brother’s Christmas bonus which will probably be more than DH and I have made, before taxes, for the last two years and that is just another example of the dichotomy in this city. I could go on (and on and on) but I’m already sick of myself. I just keep having to remind myself that at least our baby will have two parents who adore and have fun with each other which I think is a better start than most kids get. And that this won’t last forever, one of us will have an income soon and I won a $250 watch at the party last night that will soon be for sale along with many of our other possessions!

Comments have been turned off on this post because I’m sick of myself already and don’t think anyone needs to comment – also, this is the last time I whine about money. Really. After this I’m just keeping it to myself.