I’m not proud of myself (potty talk)

A daily scene at my house

My friend Jen wrote a post the other day about bribing her toddler to get him to potty train and as much as I am against the whole bribing/over-praising culture we are raising our children in (a whole post in itself right there) I too have succumbed to bribing Moira to get her to sit on the potty. She loves stickers and so: two stickers to poop, advice one sticker to pee. When I offered this the other night she immediately went and her two-sticker business on the potty. By morning the novelty wore off.

I’m writing about this because about 20 minutes ago I got really upset with Moira for pooping in her diaper for the third time today. The girl knows how to use the potty. The girl wants to read stories about the potty all the time. And yet, myocarditis she is still – please excuse my language – sh!ting her pants and sitting in it many times a day. I never thought I would be one of those parents who obsess over potty training but I am. I AM. (For the record, I also got mad at her because she was trying to make it as difficult for me as possible to change that poopy diaper and I had been asleep because it was nap time. In spite of her protests about not being tired, she is now asleep and I am now awake. How is this fair?)

Anyway, I’m frustrated and not proud of getting upset with her and less proud about bribing her. We have broached the subject with her many times and backed away many times thinking she would just come around eventually. On one hand I’m sick of waiting – but on the other I’m afraid I’m making too big a deal about it and she is going to have bathroom issues for the rest of her life. And it is less about now having two sets of diapers to change and wash and more that the girl knows how to use the potty and won’t – and that she is now having “big girl poops” which cannot be contained in most diapers. One of the benefits of following a vegan diet is that it seems to have cleared up most IBS symptoms my sister, Mom & I have suffered from for years. One of the fall backs is changing Moira’s “Hey, I don’t have anumal meat to bind everything together and constipate me” big-girl poopy diapers. You can use your imagination to figure out what that means.

So for those of you who have gone before – what worked for you? Or at least tell me a potty training story to make me laugh.

  12 Replies to “I’m not proud of myself (potty talk)”

  1. Jen
    October 1, 2010 at 4:05 pm

    This may not make you feel any better but Kale pooped on the floor the other night after INSISTING he did not need to poop. INSISTING. So frustrating!

    • October 1, 2010 at 4:37 pm

      Yes, Moira insists every night that she doesn’t need to poop even though we KNOW she is going to poop in her diaper the minute we say goodnight. Sometimes she even says, “I poop in my diaper” when I ask if she wants to sit on the potty.

  2. Sarah
    October 1, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    Georgia is totally potty trained except for at night but yesterday morning she decided to get out of bed, take off her poopy nappy and put it in the toilet – but not before dragging the whole mess along the bathroom floor. Even when they are toilet trained you don’t get rid of the mess!!

  3. Sarah
    October 1, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    I should just add that in addition to cleaning the bathroom floor, I also had to play lucky dip in the toilet to get the nappy out – not the best way to wake up in the morning!

    • October 1, 2010 at 4:38 pm

      Well, with the poopy cloth diapers I’m always sticking my hand in the toilet to get them clean – lately this means two or three flushes before I get everything off. Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! (Obviously I have gloves in the bathroom for this sort of job.)

  4. October 1, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    even though changing her poops is gross, i would definitely just leave her alone. she will decide when to finally use the toilet and no amount of pushing on your part will get her to use it earlier and will just frustrate you (and her). bub knew how to use it and wouldn’t and i just left her to it. she told me when she wanted to use it and she used a diaper when she didn’t. then, just before 3, she started using it all the time and hasn’t looked back. and because she was ready and confident in her own choice, she doesn’t have accidents.
    if you don’t mind dirty diapers, i would just leave her be and let her know it’s ok and the choice is hers.

  5. Bertha
    October 1, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    The thing that worked for us was pre-school. She was only minimally interesting in potty training prior to that; chocolate, bribery & big girl underwear did nothing. As soon as she started pre-school last fall, and she saw that the other kids her age were potty trained, and only the younger kids were not, she totally turned it around. She started school in mid-September that year and by Halloween she was fully trained. I don’t know if this is possible in every pre-school since many require that they’re already potty trained, but she goes to Montessori and there was a toddler class that spans from ages 18 months-3 years and they basically potty train them there. They start by changing their diapers on the toilet. I don’t know what else they did, but I really think the peer pressure is what worked the best!

    • October 3, 2010 at 7:29 pm

      I think this is what is going to work for us too – once we can finally get her to preschool. It’s true though, a lot of places won’t take them if they aren’t potty trained. I take her to a playgroup where the other kids (some even younger) are potty trained but she hasn’t noticed it so much.

  6. Johanna
    October 2, 2010 at 7:27 am

    All three of my babes didn’t really potty train till they were about three years old. I know it may be frustrating to deal with diapers for that long but, at least for me, there was less stress with the kids. I think for me the biggest thing was just to relax and not push at them. Especially my youngest and most stubborn. When my frustration level was rising I found the best thing to do was walk away. With him the harder I pushed the less he wanted to do it. When I backed off and let it be he suddenly became interested it doing it himself. Made me want to climb the wall and throw things 🙂
    It’s different for every child. My sister’s 3rd trained at 20 months but that girl was more than ready for it while her 4th wouldn’t look at the toilet till 3 1/2 years.
    Good luck and remember it will happen eventually 🙂
    Hugs

  7. Amanda
    October 2, 2010 at 8:02 am

    ah control, who has it and who doesn’t….here’s a tip, you don’t 😉 All 3 of the boys were close to 3 years old. I waited until summer, so that it was to me easier. MInd you I’ve had to wipe their bottoms forever, because they’d call out “done!” which meant come and wipe me. And if you include wiping yourself as fully trained, then um, maybe 6years, Thomas 7 🙂
    With the first son when I came into my bedroom and caught him taping up a fresh diaper, I knew it was time to train. I mean if they can pretty much change themselves than yes it is time. They all were trained in under a month, but that was because they decided that it was time.

    good luck

    • October 3, 2010 at 7:30 pm

      My favourite is when she asks me to change her diaper and then tells me she is going to poo in the new diaper: “I poo in this diaper.” Thanks for the update Moira! Of course, if I ask if she will sit on the potty and poo her response is, “not today.”

  8. erin
    October 4, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    The bigs didn’t train until they were almost three. Even then, it was per our request. I’m sure they’d both still be in diapers (at 6 & 7) if we hadn’t pushed it on them then. We waited until the summer they were turning three, and then had them naked.

    Olivia on the other hand (and I know you won’t want to hear this), she’s a potty pro. We decided it was time when she wanted out of her dirty diapers immediately. We found a book (completely by accident, we weren’t looking for a potty book, but it was cute and I figured why the hell not) called “Duck Goes Potty” and would sit her on the potty a few times a day and read it. That seemed to really help. Each kid is different though. With as much as WillPatJack hates dirty diapers, I’m thinking he’ll be using the toilet by the end of the year ;-).

    Have you tried letting her run around without anything below the waist? For a week or two so after consistently using the toilet, they still didn’t understand the underwear concept and would pee in them if they were on.

    Good luck!

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