Category: Cancer

100 Day Project – Days 46 & 47

I can’t seem to blog more than once every two days – which on the whole is more than respectable I think. When this project is over I think I will try and keep up with it but about three times a week. I would be really happy with that.

Today I went for probably my longest walk yet. Last weekend we went to Confederation Park and the family pushed me around in my wheelchair although I did get out and walk for a bit with my cane. This is a big park near our home where I used to do daily 5km walks. I try not to think about whether I will ever get back to that level of activity. Certainly not with my back the way it is right now. But there are plans to fix some things which I will know more about later this week.

I was keeping up with the sock knitting but made it too short and then had to rip back a whole lot and now I’m not sure how to fix it. I can’t decide if I want to go and try and fix it and watch the first episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer – which I haven’t watched in years. Or if I want to go and play Animal Crossing for a little while and worry about the sock tomorrow. If only all my dilemmas were this unimportant.

(These current blog posts are part of my #100dayproject and are written quickly and posted without significant editing. They are what they are, mistakes and all. Much like me.)

100 Day Project – Days 43 & 44

The nice thing about putting my phone away is that I have been reading more. And I am in love with this book – The Home-Maker by Dorothy Canfield Fisher. My edition is by Persephone Books and you can find a really good write-up about The Home-Maker here. I haven’t finished the book yet. I’m enjoying it so much that I am trying to slow down and not devour it. (Also I’m re-reading War & Peace right now so I am going back and forth.) There is a part where the youngest, Stephen, who is thought to be the devil incarnate but is really just young (five) and reacting to his mother’s dominating and bitter moods finds his Teddy that she has taken away and the description is just magical. I wanted to type it out for you but it is just too long and I don’t have the energy to do it justice right now. But the whole book is worth it for that one scene with Stephen and his Teddy.

Somehow yesterday I completely forgot about my blog until I lay down to go to sleep. I’ve been in discussion with the pain management clinic at the cancer centre and am now on a new plan to manage my pain. It seemed that no matter how much they increased my old medication it just wasn’t working at all anymore – and that happens. In the beginning (last June) I could take just a little bit and it would work but also lead to brain fog and drowsiness. Now I was taking much more and had no brain fog and rarely had any drowsiness and also I never noticed a difference – certainly not in my pain levels. Hopefully this new regime and new drug will work. Finger’s crossed. Whereas my hopes and wishes used to be wide and deep my hope for this summer is to be pain free and mobile enough to walk to the library (or that distance) with my daughters. I just hope that isn’t too much to ask.

100 Day Project – Day 40

Can you believe it is day 40 of the 100 Day Project? I think, all things considered, I’ve done pretty good at keeping up with writing most days.

Today was a hard day for some reason (um, cancer much Melanie?) I keep waking up early because of back pain and spasms – it lessens somewhat when I take my medication and sit up for a while. For some reason I was just so tired and weary for the better part of the day. I would try to do things and then would have to lay down for a while. Laying down didn’t even lead to sleep most times, I would just lay there and scroll mindlessly. There has been a lot of mindless scrolling these days and little else getting done. It is so easy to turn to my phone when my brain is sluggish with tiredness and pain but even though I enjoy the interactions I have with people online it doesn’t really help my state of mind. My phone and I need to take a break from each other. I’m not going to make a big deal about it though and I’m not sure when – but if you text me and don’t hear back you might want to call the home phone or send an email. ; )

Today I was mindlessly scrolling on my phone and came across a clip of Jerry Seinfeld’s new comedy special where he talks about Device Dictatorship and if you have a couple moments you should really watch it. On your phone, of course, which is glued to your hand right now.

I don’t know how long this will be allowed to be embedded on my page so watch it quickly before it gets pulled.

100 Day Project – Days 37 -39

Covid-19 edition of the ugly bathroom tile selfie. I started doing these years ago to track the progress of my post-chemo hair growth.

This week we passed the 60 day mark of isolation. This week we didn’t get a lot of schooling done. This week I didn’t get a lot of writing done either. I’m not even sure where the week went but now it is Friday night and I am trying to get a blog post done so I don’t let too many days slip by.

Oncology was fine. I got more drugs. Always more drugs. I am, in fact, embarrassed by the amount of pills I have to take. Pain killers (more than one type). Chemotherapy pills. Anti-nausea pills and now heartburn pills to offset the side effects of chemotherapy. Sleeping pills so I don’t lay awake all night thinking about my mortality. I was also give anti-inflammatory pills this week because of back spasms but reading the list of side effects from these anti-inflammatory pills and these anti-heartburn pills makes me think I should just put up with the heartburn and back spasms. Soooo many drugs and then more drugs to combat the side effects from those drugs that come with their own side effects. All this for a woman who would barely take an Ibuprofen before getting cancer.

But all in all this week wasn’t too bad. It’s my week off chemo so I’ve had spurts of energy and during those spurts I have sanitized the dishwasher, scrubbed out the fridge, and started organizing the pantry. And then I use up all my spoons and have to lay down and doze for a while but at least I had the spoons in the first place to use up. (If you haven’t heard of the Spoonie theory here is a link to an article about it.)

Now I’m off to put Oonagh to bed and watch the second half of Return of the Jedi because I can’t seem to stay awake through a full movie these days.

How was your week?

(These current blog posts are part of my #100dayproject and are written quickly and posted without significant editing. They are what they are, mistakes and all. Much like me.)

100 Day Project, Days 29 & 30 – Cake & Chemo

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.

At some point between Monday and Tuesday this new round of chemo decided to take effect in a big way and I woke up feeling like I didn’t sleep at all. I’ve got those heavily lidded eyes that sound romantic in cheesy novels but mostly just make me look slow and sleepy – which is exactly what I am. I made Lazy Cat Kitchen’s Vegan Chocolate Torte with Amaretto yesterday but I ate too much at lunch to have any of it – or to even eat dinner. Today at lunch I tried not to eat too much but I’m once again uncomfortably full which means it has less to do with the amount of food I’m eating and more to do with chemo side effects. I thought it was homeschooling and chores that were kicking my butt but it’s the combination of everything mixed in with my medication.

I will admit I’m not the biggest chocolate fan so I wasn’t really making this cake for me anyway. I mean, I made it because I wanted to make it, but I also made it with the chocolate lovers in the family in mind. It is luscious and fudgy and definitely a hit. It would probably be a good cake to pull out for Father’s Day or Mister’s birthday since he’s a big chocolate and almond lover.

The reason I searched out this recipe was a very large bag of slivered almonds in our pantry. I’ve decided right now is the time to start going through our over-packed pantry and find uses for all the obscure ingredients that have been gathering dust. The other day I made barley pudding for breakfast (kind of like rice pudding) because of an abundance of barley, a bag of stale raisins, and a can of peach halves.

I will probably make the barely pudding again so I can tweak it and then post the recipe if anyone is interested.

(These current blog posts are part of my #100dayproject and are written quickly and posted without significant editing. They are what they are, mistakes and all. Much like me.)