Cancer Break

YYCOonaghThe Mister and I were sitting around the school playground last weekend when we had our “Fuck it” moment. That was the moment we decided that we needed to get away. Now.

We needed to pull the girls out of school and get away NOW.

It has been a week since that moment and we leave tomorrow morning for a month-long road trip.

This is not our usual behaviour.

I would say as parents we like to keep things pretty simple and comfortable. We have never been the type to pick up and take off, emergency and since having children we have found it much easier to stay at home. I know some people drag their kids everywhere but I’ve never really wanted to do that. I’ve always thought it would be nice to travel with the kids… someday. But not today, pestilence and probably not tomorrow.

However, bronchi as cliche as it is, cancer changes you – or at least it speeds up your timeline.

(Being done with daytime diapers helps a lot too.)

There is a really fantastic doctor at the Breast Cancer Supportive Care here in town who told me that I need to take cancer breaks. Even if it meant just trying to get out and go on a date night or watching a movie with the girls. Many times during the last couple months I’ve turned to the Mister and said, “I would really like to not have cancer for a little while. Even if it is just for today.” Obviously that isn’t a realistic option but I’m feeling so much better than I was a couple months ago that I can consider taking a break. I know it is still there, inside of me, doing whatever it is it is doing, but I don’t have to focus on it ALL THE TIME right now.

What really hit home when I spoke to that doctor was that is isn’t just me who needs a break from cancer. Our girls need a break too. They need to see that I’m more than someone whose bones break from the slightest hug. They need to see that I can do other things than lay in bed all day, or that our lives are now ruled by endless doctor’s appointments. It was heartbreaking having Fionnuala come into my room to check up on me and ask, “Mummy, are you going to die?” I would always say no but sometimes I was worried that I was lying to her. I might have been.

But not today.

Today I’m not lying to her.

Today I am exhausted from packing, and rushing around and still finding time to take Moira to a play – but I’m not dying.

Tomorrow when I wake up I’m going on a road trip for a month.

And it is going to be awesome.

  10 Replies to “Cancer Break”

  1. April 25, 2016 at 9:04 am

    So glad you are just going for it…you will have an amazing trip, I’m sure! Yay!

  2. April 25, 2016 at 9:09 am

    Have the most wonderful time. This is what life is made of. So proud of you all for weathering the last few months and wishing your so much fun and goodness on this well-deserved break.

  3. Michelle
    April 25, 2016 at 9:49 am

    I’m so happy you are doing this! If you’re headed to southern Ontario, hit me up. 😉

    • April 27, 2016 at 10:08 pm

      Not this time. We are going to B.C. However, I might be in Ontario this summer… Where abouts are you?

  4. Mary-Beth
    April 25, 2016 at 10:31 am

    It IS going to be awesome! So over the moon happy that you and your family are taking this break! Enjoy!!

    • April 27, 2016 at 10:08 pm

      I figured if you could take your family away for a whole year we could probably handle a month. 😉

  5. Anne Abraham
    April 25, 2016 at 11:01 am

    Definitely if you’re going through T.O., I’d love to see you all.

  6. April 25, 2016 at 12:21 pm

    Oh my gosh… all your posts from the past year just popped up in my reader. I don’t do much blog reading (or writing) any more but have wondered where you were a few times, you were one of the first mom blogs I started reading, how many years ago… five? I am so sorry for what you are going through. I wish I could do something to help. Hope your vacation with the family is wonderful!!

    • April 27, 2016 at 10:09 pm

      Thanks! I don’t do much blog reading anymore which is too bad because I miss all the connects I made years ago. Now I’m always on Instagram, which is nice too but not as wordy. 😉

  7. jac
    April 26, 2016 at 4:57 am

    Woo! Road trip! Have the best time x

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