Busyness, Decisions, Dilemmas – Part 2

Thing on my mind #2: If we don’t start enjoying life the way it is what message are we sending to our children?

My sister once mentioned to me that if I have a beautiful daughter I’m not going to want to let my hair go grey and be some old-looking Mum. And boy – is she ever right. I can’t imagine anyone more beautiful than Moira right now and, page her good looks aside, she makes me want to be the best possible me I can be. Between her and the Mister’s eternally youthful good looks I have to keep up or be left behind. I’m only half joking here because really I need to take care of myself for myself. There was a time when I worked out a lot (or sewed a lot) but depression and laziness and having to deal with “the real world” made it so I became a quitter of most things I started. Being a quitter is easy – being the best possible you is really not. I don’t want to be known as a quitter – who does really? And what kind of message does that send to my daughter? So later on today I am going to mail a cheque that will secure my spot on a Masters Swim Team. I’m terrified for so many reasons: my recent incarnation as a quitter, the time commitment, just how royally my small-yet-surprisingly-flabby ass is going to get kicked in the pool. However, I’m excited too since I have been on the waiting list for this team for 3 years now, for the chance to prove to myself that I don’t have to be a quitter, for just how royally my small-yet-surprisingly-flabby ass is going to get kicked in the pool.

The last time I was on a swim team…

I feel like I am always waiting for the day when things will change. You know, that mythical day in the future when you have more time or money or energy or miraculously start to get enough sleep at night. I’m always thinking things will improve when I start dressing better or eating better or when we move somewhere more “me” instead of just living in the present. I don’t want Moira to be corrupted by this mentality. So, instead of taking a job that will take up a lot of my time I’m taking the plunge and going swimming.

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