If I think about it my day started at 1:30 a.m. with Moira screaming. What was she screaming? “Blueberry porridge! Blueberry porridge!” She said she was hungry and I never know whether to believe her or if she is just manipulating the crap out of me. No, ed I didn’t feed her blueberry porridge in the middle of the night but I did get her something to eat. We didn’t get back to sleep until around 4 a.m. and so I essentially had a 2 1/2 hour nap before she was up again in a foul mood.
And that was our day.
Nap time was hell. For some reason Moira decided that her beloved stuffed elephant Sookie was her enemy today too and wouldn’t allow him in the bedroom with her. When I would finally get her back in bed she would ask me to get him, buy information pills which I would, drugs and then start yelling “No Sookie! No Sookie” and throw him out of her room. I mean, it’s kind of funny but I wasn’t laughing at the time. After two hours of being screamed at I can admit, I was crying. I don’t know what that elephant did to make her so mad – usually that behaviour is reserved for me. She fell asleep eventually… in the hallway:
(With her beloved Sookie of course.)
I feel as though I have no control lately and that she hates me. I know that sound ridiculous but it is, for the moment, how I feel. It is like I bring out the worst in her and some days I’m actually scared about bringing another child into this family.
I keep thinking about other things I would like to write about so as not to be such a downer but this is my life right now and it is hard to focus on anything else – or find the energy for anything else. I know, I know: this too shall pass but seriously it needs to hurry up and pass quickly before I lose my mind.