This pregnancy has been a lot of things but inspiring in terms of creativity or writing hasn’t been one of them. I feel as though my brain has been mush since July and other than just coping (barely at times) it seems as though I’ve got not much to show for the last nine months. (Yeah yeah, I know: just a small human being I’m growing inside of me).
In fact, I’ve been rather depressed but it’s a situational/hormonal depression I haven’t really wanted to talk about. I have a wonderful life with a wonderful husband/partner/best-friend and two wonderful children. I keep repeating this to myself knowing it is true but it hasn’t stopped the crying jags on the couch or my spectacular lack of mothering skills lately.
It is so easy to lose your filter with the instant gratification that social media brings but I promised myself I wouldn’t use Twitter or Facebook to air all of my problems and I think I have been rather good with that. I have a couple of friends I can vent to and, of course, the Mister. Venting is good, over-sharing isn’t. Even with angsty venting texts I have to (figuratively) bite my tongue so I don’t sound like some crazy lady who hates her children (even if that is exactly what I am at the time).
So here I find myself at 35 weeks pregnant and less than four weeks to go before our scheduled c-section day. I was sick for most of December and am currently fighting off another cold and trying not to feel too sorry for myself. Things are pretty much ready for baby #3 and the girls are very excited and keep talking to my belly. I feel as though I am all belly these days and am terribly uncomfortable. I won’t lie – I hate being pregnant. This one has been rough and tiring and overwhelming and I am so ready for it to be over. And while I know it is easier to look after this baby while it is on the inside – I ready to meet it get on with life.
(That being said, I really want to get back to blogging so I’m going to try. Thanks to all who have sent e-mails and quiet encouragement over the last little while.)
Now, tell me what is going on with you because I need a distraction from myself!