Day: April 3, 2019

The view from here

I’m trying not to let my current state prevent me from getting writing done so right now laying in bed with the laptop on my lap. It isn’t comfortable but it isn’t as painful as sitting upright either and right now avoiding pain is what I am all about.

Yesterday I took a minor fall down the stairs which banged me up but, at the time, didn’t seem to cause any real damage. Except as the day went on an area of my ribs started to ache and by this morning it was full-blown pain. The chances that I cracked it are pretty good – after all, I have been know to crack ribs in my sleep just by laying on my side for too long. This is the thing with bone metastasis. It’s always there and always reminding me that it is there. Even when I’m feeling good and am considered stable my rib bones (where the cancer is) are still weak. I’ve spent the morning debating calling the oncologist but the last time this happened they told me to go to my family doctor to get a requisition for an x-ray and then I had to get the x-ray done and then the x-ray didn’t show anything because minor cracks and fractures don’t show up even though they hurt like hell. It showed up a month later though when I got my bone scan and the evidence of a recent fracture that was currently healing was right there. Honestly, just thinking about all those steps has me exhausted and I have to get out of this bed in 10 minutes to make lunch for my kids. There is nothing they can do for broken ribs anyway although at this point I would take any painkillers they offered because I don’t have any. Truthfully, the first couple days after a rib fracture I need the good drugs but I never have any on hand. This is something I’m going to have to fix at my next oncology appointment.

Anyway, I went into April feeling excited and focused (after weeks of the stomach flu going around the house). I have some pretty intense physio therapy exercises I am doing to try and fight the complications I have been having from my mastectomy last August and those are painful but at least they are helping me work towards a goal. With the rib pain I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself. I know it will pass but you know that feeling when the universe feels like it is conspiring against you? Yeah. I’ve got that feeling. But right now I’m trying to organize a reunion for my elementary school and I can do a lot of that laying down. Planning an Harry Potter-theme 11th birthday party that is being held in two weeks (and I haven’t started planning yet) is going to be more difficult.

Also, whenever I am bed-ridden my children freak out because they remember what it was like when I couldn’t get out of bed at all and then the mommy guilt takes over. (Another thing pain does is make one grumpy and, in my case, slow and stupid. It has taken me most of the day to get this blog post out there – my children have long since gone back to school from lunch and I wrongly posted this earlier and it didn’t show up and it took me a while to figure out what I had done wrong.)

Art by Elisabeth Alba on the Everyday Witch Tarot deck by Deborah Blake.

In less than a month I’m traveling east to go on a road trip with my sister Amandato Salem, Massachusetts. We are both really excited about this and get to bond over our love of all things witchy and historical. We have rented an AirBnB for five nights and then don’t have anything planned for after that which is taking me WAY out of my comfort zone (I’ve had all our summer vacation and activities planned and booked since early January) but my sister is more adventurous than I am so I’m relying on her to figure things out. (It’s not like I need *everything* planned. I just like to know where I am sleeping and that I will be able to make food instead of eating out a lot.) We also hope to stop in Concord, MA to visit the home of Louisa May Alcott.

Anyone else been to Salem (and area)? We are open to suggestions for things that might not be listed in the touristy guidebooks.