It was a good day until the pain got the better of me. Sometimes things are just too much. I came to the realization today that death, no matter how many people are around to support you, is a lonely business. No matter what you are going on alone and there is so much that can’t be said to protect the living. So many people rely on the image of the happy cancer patient living their life to the fullest so they don’t have to be reminded of their own mortality. I totally get this because even I don’t want to be reminded. Today we went for a drive and I wanted to get out of the car and just run but all I could do was sit there trapped inside this body that doesn’t seem to want me any more than I want it right now. Writing is helping though even if my words are carefully measured. At least I have that.
(These current blog posts are part of my #100dayproject and are written quickly and posted without significant editing. They are what they are, mistakes and all. Much like me.)