This has been a hard week. Pain-wise it’s probably been one of the worst I’ve ever had. It is pretty much official that I have broken a bone in my sternum (not my collarbone) so plans for this weekend include a lot of laying down and not moving much (and reading, and hopefully knitting, and, of course play PokemonGo – which is more like PokemonSitAndStay these days). Today I was at the hospital twice – once to meet with my radiologist and get scans and blood work done, and then again in the afternoon to have radiation done to my hip and sternum. Hopefully this radiation will help lessen the pain in my chest… eventually. I’m no stranger to broken ribs but this is a new location for me and it is definitely worse and more complicated.
Also today I had bad news from two cancer friends. One to inform me that her disease has progressed drastically and another to tell me that her disease has become metastatic. I remember being that person four and a half years ago too – and how terrifying it was (is). But I was also reminded, as I wrote to her, that it isn’t an immediate death sentence and it made me think of all the amazing things I have been able to do since that day I sat with my head in a bucket in the cancer centre and they told me I had Stage IV cancer.
- Got to see Oonagh go from a two-year old to a child in grade 2.
- (Most likely) get to see Moira enter junior high.
- Been around to watch all my girls grow up and know that they will have some memories of me.
- Joined a choir for a while and rekindled my love of singing.
- Learned many more knitting skills and made all of my girls sweaters.
- Started playing the piano again – even if only once in a while.
- Pulled our girls out of school twice and went on wonderful road trips to the ocean (and learned along the way that elementary school isn’t as important as family time with no interruptions).
- Became a part of the best book club ever.
- Went to Iceland (and a writer’s retreat) with my mum.
- Wrote a novel that no one will read.
- Got to have a holiday with just the Mister to Newfoundland.
- Took my family to Ireland.
- Went on a road trip with my sister.
And those are just the big things I can think of and don’t take into account all the day-to-day miracles that are a part of not being dead yet. Sometimes it is hard – especially when pain clouds everything – to not remember all the good that is going on in one’s life. But I’m trying guys. I’m trying.