10 months

Dear Moira, buy

You’ve got the bubs. That’s what your father and I keep saying because you babble constantly these days: bub bub bub bub. Or ah ah ah ah. Or ba ba ba ba with the occasional mum mum mum mum thrown in just to make me melt. We love it when you have the bubs and we make up songs about it and sing to you.

At 10 months old (as of Sunday) you really aren’t a baby anymore. This past month has seen an explosion in your skills and personality – and your height and weight. You are “cruising” around the furniture (my doctor told me that is what it’s called when they are walking with the aid of things) and taking an interest in everything. I am totally exhausted and totally in love. You are so happy these days and a total joy to be around – most of the time. We need to work on the sleeping through the night bit but I really don’t feel like I have much to complain about. You still aren’t the greatest napper either but this just means that you have to go to bed at 6 p.m. most nights because you’re done – completely and utterly done for the day.

These days I have to take you outside (or at least out of the apartment) twice a day. If I don’t you become unbearable. You love to be out and socializing with other people and children. We now go to storytime every Monday and while you still don’t care much for the stories you love seeing the other children, price crawling across the floor, trying to chew on the feet of anyone nearby and, of course, making your way to the bookshelves to pull down the books. The other mothers smile at me and say “she’s really busy isn’t she?” as their children JUST SIT THERE AND LISTEN. We also go to Stay and Play at the community centre where I spend an hour getting you to pull yourself across the floor chasing a ball. This is my little trick to get you to nap on those days as well as ensuring you have phenomenal upper body strength since you still don’t think you need your knees to crawl. I keep saying that as soon as it warms up and you are walking I’m taking you to the park at the end of the street and running you like a dog. People look at me a little strange when I say that and I laugh a little as though I am joking but I’m not joking. Not even a little. LIKE A DOG.

The other night your Father and I were watching the movie AI and I only got about a half hour in (when the Mother gives up her robot son in the woods) and I just lost it. I suspect every Mother goes through this – living in fear of losing their child. It is a feeling unlike any I have experienced before and I find it colours everything these days. I can’t watch movies in which children are being hurt or abandoned without feeling as though my heart is being ripped out. I can’t watch movies in which women who want to have children are unable to have children even though I was never in that situation. I suspect this will fade with time to a certain degree and I am trying hard not to be a total nutbar of a mother who locks us in the apartment and doesn’t let anyone near us. However, these are the crazy feelings that make me take 100+ photos of you eating Cheerios and hate the thought of deleting even one JUST IN CASE something were to ever happen to you.

Also, your expressions kill me – even more than your ears.

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